A letter to Tech Support "Upgrading Boyfriend"

Saw the below post in friend's friend's post. meaningful, so coppied it down as I just upgrade mine.
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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend.
In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Super 14; Fishing; Football and Golf Clubs. Conversation no longer runs, and Housecleaning simply crashes the system.. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate .....................................................................

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears and don't forget to install the Guilt update.
If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Happy Hour or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program.. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.
In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie..

Good Luck, Tech Support